what will DXPP’s wife say….

…when DXPP tells her he’s CowboyCaleb?

1. “You are not tall, dark and handsome as I imagined CBC to be.” <–someone mentioned this the other day.

2. “BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! Like srsly???”

3. “Is it too late for a refund?”

4. “So that’s what u do infront of your PC all the time. I thought otherwise.”

5. “i am Xi@xue.”

6. “but, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

7. “okay, im actually naeboo.”

feel free to add on.

Hmm.

DXDPP said that he feeling very overwhelmed nowsadays.
Hope DXDPP feel better soon hor.

DXPPDPY explains his modestly successful life

hosey boh?

as his quarterly manses of mid-life crisis comes, DXPP posted his v1.3 guide to what he is doing now (don’t ask us about what was the alpha version – pretty much screwed up). So as we mortally sane people struggle to find out just what the heck is he babbling about, DXPPDPY here will help you with your brain impairment and decipher what he ACTUALLY meant.

So read on, and feel your balls jiggle.

Write your goals down. Each goal has to have a deadline. Stick it up someplace where you will see it every day. Like that spot of ceiling directly above your head.

• We read it all the time on your bald spot. right smack there.

When faced with 2 life-altering decisions, always choose the one that seems more difficult.

• So when you fail, at least people see it as a good fight. Just like DXPP chooses between the fat african assbag and the hot columbian sugardip. He chose the more fleshier one, because he is DXPP.

Always dress the part. Invest in a good suits. Buy good shoes. Read f87king Esquire magazine if you haven’t a clue. Dress for what you want to become if you want to make it happen.

• DXPP always dresses in suits in the comic. It’s a Doraemon thing.

Learn to invest your own money. Never trust an insurance agent. Never trust a banker.

• DXPP is the reason of what’s happening in US of A.

Never follow the wisdom of the crowds. When people are selling their property, you should be buying. When everybody starts to buy, you should be selling.

• We did warned him about the fat african assbag.

Real friends tell you things you don’t want to hear - the truth. Remember this before you slam the phone down in anger.

• That’s why we got this blog lor. Because we care.

Read the newspapers. Everyday.

• State-controlled papers are not a source of reliable information.

Learn to gamble a bit. Not only in the lottery. But also in your daily doings.

• He lost big, with the fat african assbag.

If your boss doesn’t like you, resign. Find a way to make him resign or get fired.

• We still looking forward to DXPP do that, instead of rubba his balls everyday.

Integrity is great. But money is even better.

• He needs the money for the big bet he lost, with the fat african assbag.

Study hard you fucking idiot.

• We are sorry we bo tak chek eh, that’s why u suffer live it big in Spitland while we stuck in Stinkapour stuffing our faces with local delicacies.

Behave like a leader to those people you want to be in charge of one day. So that you will be.

• We never followed him.

Make your leaders behave like leaders when they expected to be. Everybody needs to be reminded. They will thank you for it.

• Still rubbaing his boss’ balls.

If you have many enemies and are doing well, you’re probably on the right track.

• But we are all DXPPDPY.

If you have no enemies, and your life is stagnant – something must be wrong.

• But we are all DXPPDPY!

Stingy people should be avoided like the plague. Don’t be stingy.

• Thats why we are all DXPPDPY!!

If you’re a guy, do guy things (car worship, football watching, babe ogling). Don’t be gay.

• but why you hang out with AFPP leh?

Find a job that makes money. Money does buy happiness in the form of plasma televisions.

• Obviously, trying to compensate for the inches.

There’s no such thing as an unhappy doctor. Consider this a career option.

• And why are u still doing what ya doing? Oh right, study harder. yes that.

Laziness is like leprosy. Snap out of it.

• *nua around*

If you go drinking with folk, make sure you pay slightly more than your fair share to be viewed as a good old boy.

• We all love DXPPDPY!!!

Never get drunk if front of your superiors. EVAR. It just destroys all credibility because you’re not not very reliable

• Erm, AFPP told us what happened.

Buy an expensive and good cologne. Stay away from that Calvin Klein androgynous bullshit.

• You still stink.

Travel a lot. It opens up your mind and alters your perception of people and the world in general. You’ll be a lot more mature than your peers who haven’t been to India.

• no money leh.

Speak at least 3 languages. Any three, just pick three.

• Fucking whore, KNNBCCB, kalang budoh mang kau!

Confident and Funny vs Rich and Boring. Confident and Funny will get you laid, but it’s Rich and Boring that gets to breed with supermodels.

• We see you haven’t been breeing much.

Buy a good pen, and keep it on your person at all times (in your shirt pocket, in your coat, in your jeans). You never know when you’ll need to make an impression. I use a Mont Blanc.

• You seriously need one. a good penis needed to write.

Value quality experience over material possessions. Take great vacations, eat in fantastic restaurants and fuck jaw-dropping women. Stop buying shite you don’t need. To paraphrase Tyler Durdern “You are not your cafe latte”.

• That’s why we are doing this blog, just for DXPP~!

Buy the best car you can afford (installments + insurance + road tax + gas) because apart from a woman, this will be your biggest indulgence. Don’t settle for some crap car you will resent paying for each month. Make sure you enjoy driving the f87k out of your car every day. A well driven car is better than a blowjob.

• Please make sure it can carry all of us.

It’s ok to envy and admire the dude with the Armani suit and the BMW convertible. He’s going to work for you one day, right?

• But he still looks better than you.

Nobody gives a shite if you use a PC or a Mac. They only care about what you use it to produce.

• Thanks for the pr0n you delicately selected for us.

Trim your pubes. Don’t shave them. Only gay men shave their pubes.

• at least we dont use Veet like you do.

Try to have at least one gay friend. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn from them.

• AFPP says you never call anymore after that heart-baring night.

Two male guys should not be close friends if they share the same taste in women – it’s a recipe for disaster & tragedy

• luckily, we don’t like fat african assbags.

If you’re not sure where to invest your money, don’t!!!

• Again, we told him the fat african assbag is a real bad idea.

Give money to charity. You’ll be surprised how good it will make you feel.

• stop wanking to the returns handouts you got from SPCA.

Invest in good shirts, especially if they’re white. The shirts you wear for important occasions like job interviews or meeting important folk should cost at least SGD100 per pop.

• Have you seen a turkey being wrapped in satin? Looky into ya mirror.

Jin Jia Bad

eh we all hor, jin jia bad leh. DXPP come back liao we also bo chup him. We are his peng you somemore leh. Liddat how? Someone should drag that asshat to go lim jiu with us tio bo.

Bah!

Y are all these pple so unreasonable and short-sighted? Y are they so lor sor!! Why!!!!

Another round of madness tmw. Oh dear. I better start gearing myself for it.

On a better note, tt silly CB is bk!! I think he is jinxed. Together with JW, once they came bk it has been heow… Y!! Y!!! Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we, the angsty DXPPDPY

jin jia paiseh leh.

some how hor, i dunno why we all become jin dulan all at one time. maybe it is the homecoming of DXPP that spreads the angstiness from Spitland to Stinkapoor. or maybe he just really stinks of goat’s balls now.

but anywayly, in the good spirit of DXPPDPY, we welcome DXPP back to Stinkapoor. Thank you for bringing the bad weather here, asshat!

Macau was awesome

Macau was awesome. I’ll spare you all the mushy details of us seeing each other finally and get to the pictures.

First night, we went up to a bar in Crown Hotel. The bar was quite awesome. Good music, classy interior, large spacious space. We were thinking that it would be the perfect place for a bar outing. It’s big enough to accommodate all of us.

Typical Beer for me and some cocktail for her.

This picture is sure to torment you. MALING LUNCHEON MEAT, WOOTTTTT!!!~~~~

Notice I took a bite before taking the photo.

Then we had mee pok tar there!

Notice the awesome roast duck.

Then behold, the most awesome dish we had there. Siew Ngor

LOOK AT THAT.
It was awesomely good. The skin is crispy, the fat and the meat just melts in your mouth when you bite into it.

We had lots of other good food there which i didn’t take photos of.

WE SHOULD ORGANISE A OUTTING TO MACAU. After all, Da Xiong de Papa is near there. Being his peng yous, we should all go right? RIGHT?

Why har?

Why do people always always always always ALWAYS ALWAYS like to say that when people are well off, they act atas. If you can afford a little bit more, you damn fucking act atas? Is it? Why is it when you can afford more things, you are a spoilt brat who doesn’t appreciate at all?  Fuckew. 

FUCK YOU AND YOUR ASSUMPTIONS.

What in the fucking blue blinking hell is acting atas?  Your atas and my atas standards are fucking different. So why must you always deem that I am damn act high class? You nahbei. 

I am alright if you and the rest wants to tell everybody in the universe, planet, milky way or whatever that I am damn act atas. But you don’t cross the fucking line by dragging in my family, friends, personal life. You don’t fucking diss my loved ones. You’re not even worthy enough to mention them. Fuckew. 

And the point when you say that I have no life lar, no friends lar, no buddies lar. Srsly, fuck you again. I don’t need to announce to the entire fucking world that I’ve got friends or not. I don’t need to tell you if I went out. I’m not like you lor, take 76593million pictures when you went out with your little kiddish friends to Bugis. Then plastered it all over your blog and say, “I went to bugis today!”. Fuckew. 

“Be like me lah, don’t need best friends one, just have a lot of friends can liao.” 
EH fuckew understand? You do know that best friends are like family right? You damn fail okay? E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y loves their bestfriends with so much love like they’re family. Shows how much of a person you are.

If you want to be a social butterfly, at least try to have what it takes. From what I see, you’re far from it. *roll eyes* YOUR BAGS ARE FUCKING UGLY. 

Fuckew.

DXPP coming back le wor!

after kaopehkaoboi so much, that bugger is finally coming back for dunno how long liao.

maybe we should do something to welcome him back, hor?

i know! We bring him go drink KAMBING SOUP la!

KAMBING SOUP and BEEEER!!

Teh Incredibul Sulk

Huat the fuck is wong with these chao ang morh?!

It’s been more than 5, FIVE fucking times they have messed up the order numbers in the email. And these codes are critical. If it’s not on black and white, it’s not approved and that means I cannot proceed and I need to send a meek email, coaxing them to “please kindly help to amend the following…”

WHY?! WHY don’t they check?! It was written clearly on the document I sent! And why can’t I write KNNBCCB on mai emeow even if they don’t understand?! Why are all my emails forwarded to my bosses?! WHY? WHY WHY WHY?!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.